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  • Elaine Denton

Are you ok, hun?

It's ok to not be ok. In fact I encourage you to be a little down, negative...mardy or miserable. Why? Because that's how you feel right now and you shouldn't hide it, or feel you have to put a positive spin on it. Look at the picture I have posted on this blog. Now close up on my face. Hopefully it will make you laugh! The photographer caught me just at the wrong moment when I was adjusting. From afar 'yoga pose pic'. Close up? 'arrrrrghhhh'. Appearances can be deceptive....

There's been a big 'positivity' movement on social media, that's actually contributing to people not being open or honest about how they feel right now, which may impact your mental health in a very non-positive way. 

If you feel a bit sad, down, unhappy, negative...you need to share it. A problem shared is a problem halved, right? The problem is, we don't often know what the problem is. Or we feel it's not worthy of sharing as it's so insignificant. So what to do?

Here’s what I swear by: Write. That. Shit. Down. Referred to as 'journalling' in the 'wellness' world, it is just as simple as writing how you feel down, reading it, seeing if it's logical (e.g. suddenly being miserable for having wrinkly elbows is not logical). Is there a reason that it's not logical? (e.g .someone has mentioned your wrinkly elbows or (ladies) you are close to 'that time' of the month and NOTHING is logical). Once you find the reason you can work through it- the first example being maybe someone said it to you, and they’ve hurt your feelings and you haven't told them. Can you tell them? Or can you write down something like 'why did you say I have wrinkly elbows? I actually never noticed and quite liked them until you said that'. You can add the word 'arseswipe' if it helps. To get it out of your system will help you look at it and get over it. But don't dismiss your feelings as not being important as every feeling you have is important. And if you ignore it? Then you will start to see things with a negative viewpoint, focussing on any criticism you (think) you've received, until you start to feel worthless. And the person who mentioned your elbows? They are not being kind to you for their own reasons. It's likely they aren't kind to themselves and are trying to deflect this on to you. Put a stop to it. Let them know. If it's example 2? Just give in to it. You will love your elbows again in 10 days. I promise. 

After you have written and worked through the crappy bits, write down 3 thigs you are grateful for and one thing you would like to happen in your life. And no, not elbow surgery. Once you write it, take actions, or small steps, to achieve it. Shift your mindset to something that will make you happy....but make sure you work through what made you unhappy first.

If you have an overwhelming sadness that goes deeper and is not occasional, don't brush it under the carpet...it will become bigger and bigger until it affects your whole life daily. Find a very good friend to chat to (maybe not the details, but just the 'I am not ok and I think I may need to speak to someone) and find professional help. I chose a life coach when it got too much for me. There is no shame in seeking help. You go to a gym and see a trainer if you want to lose weight or tone up, right? Then you can find someone to make sense of your feelings and what is making you feel this way.

It's also ok to feel a bit 'meh' about your current situation. I am single, and not afraid to say that I don't like it. It hits me on days like today. I went for a long walk alone earlier, and I saw cute things that I wanted to share with a significant other. I would love to have a partner in crime to go for a walk with, sit in a beer garden for a gin in the sun... and just have a bloody good motherfudging cuddle! I am not going to say I am miserable being single, as I am not. I enjoy my life immensely, but I am admitting to you that I don't want to be on my own. I want to share my lovely life with someone special. Humans are built for connection, not solitude. And it's ok to want a partner and feel a bit shitty at times when you haven't.

As long as you are taking action to make the shitty bits better, you will start to feel better. I am dating. I am online dating (which is a whole other blog piece!!), and as yet, no one kind, generous, trustworthy, loyal or funny enough has come along. Yet. The universe is sorting him out for me.

Elaine @ LYF x


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