• Elaine Denton

How do you ‘let go’ of stuff that causes you pain?

More to the point... why aren’t you? 

Not letting go of something that causes you emotional pain is like burning yourself and continuously putting your fingers back in the flame. But you would never do that... why? Because we were taught not to. And it hurts. 

No one teaches us how to let go of emotional pain. It lives in our minds as memories and bodies as trapped emotion manifesting as physical pain. We pick up most of the learned behaviours around pain as children. On a recent transformation course (to learn to let go) most of the people in the room had ‘stuff’ that stemmed back to childhood. And we were all carrying it around like a heavy emotional rucksack because no one told us how to let go.. or that we could! 

So how? And why? And what!? 

There are patterns of behaviour that you may have been practising for yeeeears that you’ve come to realise are not doing you any good. They are making you miserable. If I am honest (always) it will take more than a few breaths to remove these from your present world. Seek out a life coach, psychologist/ therapist to talk about where your problem are rooted. 

But there are ways you can help yourself each day. To start to control that anxious feeling inside. To help you not get angry in the car at poor Beryl who was just popping to the butchers to get her meat and ‘made you late’.  To stop you chucking weights around in the gym like the Incredible Hulk on a bad day ot hitting everything at 200 miles an hour to try and get some control in your life. Or trying to run away. 

It’s all about being present to how you are feeling in the moment and working out why, instead of storing it in the body and causing physical pain, or letting it come out of you later and unleashing a can of whoopass on Beryl doing 25 miles and hour in a 30 zone because YOU have to be somewhere more important! 

Next time you feel angry/ anxious or upset, try this: 

Allow whatever it is to come through your body, but notice the sensation it causes in the body

Label the sensation rather than the feeling or emotion- e.g.anxious might be ‘a knot in the stomach’ 

Breathe into the sensation, and start to notice how it changes. Let whatever it comes up as flow through your body 

When you feel it disperse, try and identify where it came from and take action to rectify it or change so it doesn’t happen again until the future. E.g. if it’s anxiety, what caused it? Can you change how you reacted or can you mark your boundaries with others and let them know they caused you pain? 

When you have painful memories that come up you can follow the same process, but allowing your thought to fade and focus back in on your feelings and you breath

Letting go can be as simple as you want it to be. To let go in the present it’s simply saying ‘this doesn’t matter’. And if you feel it does ‘matter’ but causes you pain, you need to find a way to remove it from your life. If it’s a past memory you can’t change it. So why do you allow yourself to relive it all of the time? How does that serve you? Ask yourself that very question.

Elaine 💕

LYF | Love | Yourself | First 

Come to my classes for more of this 💓

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